“Did you take your antibiotic this morning?”
-“What antibiotic?”
“Those ones that the pharmacy delivered yesterday? You took two right when they came, then you have to take one a day for the next few days? It’s called a Z-Pack?”
-“Well that doesn’t make any sense…there is only one left in the box. I can’t find them anywhere around here. Is it the Tussin DM stuff?”
That phone conversation was yesterday morning.
Cue flashback…
We talked on Tuesday and all sounded well. I forgot to call on Wednesday and by the time I remembered, she would have been in bed. When she called me on Thursday to say she was back from the nail salon (something I won’t be doing when I’m almost 83 but then again you knew that…) she sounded absolutely awful.
At least twice a year for the last – oh say, twenty years or so – she gets a nasty bout of bronchitis spring and fall – about the time we have to change our clocks. I called her doctor to see how we could handle this with me still here in the North on Donny Diva watch and the Mrs. 150 miles away hacking up a storm.
They decided to start her on a round of Zithromax and Tussin DM for the cough. Standard procedure. I’ve done the same cocktail myself many times. I thought I was being soooo clever and had them call the Rx into a pharmacy down the road that delivers. I get on the phone, talk to the tech, give her my credit card…no hassle…it will be delivered in an hour or so to the Mrs.’ house. I am feeling oh-so-smug and smarty-pants to boot taking care of business from afar.
Another phone call after a couple of hours to confirm the delivery and all is well. The nurse from her Dr.’s office had called and explained the dosage to the Mrs. who wrote it all down. “Take two tablets on the first day and then one a day for tablets 2 through 5…then 1 teaspoon of Tussin every 6 hours.” What’s not to love about that system?
Cue B-roll footage of elderly woman doing the zombie walk …
So where could those pills have disappeared to? There was only one way to do this. It was only fitting that I had a two hour drive in pouring rain and gale force winds again. At least it wasn’t 2 feet of snow. There was alot to be thankful for really.
Sure enough when I got there I found the box empty – save the one last blister packed pill marked “DAY 5”. I checked her regular pill stash to see if she had changed her mind about putting that daily dose in with her regular pills so she didn’t have to worry about it. “No – that’s not necessary,” she had responded when we were doing this over the phone, “I have it all written out.” I’m kicking myself for not having insisted she do it MY way.
I checked the garbage and sure enough there were FIVE empty blister packs to prove that she had taken what was intended to be FOUR DAYS WORTH OF DOSAGE IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS! “Oh that cough medicine really makes me loosey goosey if you know what I mean,” she giggled and disappeared into the bathroom as I grabbed my phone to speed dial the doctor’s office. That explained it. She had been taking the pills thinking they were the Tussin which barely had a teaspoon gone out of the bottle.
“Oh MY!…Can I put you on hold while I check with the Dr.?,” the nurse whispered. When she came back on line, she explained that I was to start some Kaopectate and if it didn’t work, try Imodium. No more antibiotics till Sunday. (There is only one pill left anyway!) Since they were only 250mg and time released at that – we were barely at a megadose like the kind you can get in the hospital. But the trots could certainly be a side effect. I went for broke at this point and did the dose of Imodium. How much could that hurt after all the “candy” she’d had?
I grabbed the fattest marker I could and started making signs…BIG PRINTING EXPLAINING THAT SHE HAD TO TAKE ONE TEASPOON OF COUGH MEDICINE AT 8 a.m. / 2 p.m. / 8 p.m., etc. etc.
Adding insult to injury – I remember that Saturday night we set the clocks back. I didn’t want her up on step ladders changing her kitchen clock so I decided to do it early. I’m so screwed at this point – what difference can it make that she’ll think it is an hour earlier than it really is all day Saturday?
What really has her concerned is how to pass out candy on Billy’s birthday without contaminating all the kids – then I remember…this day was a highlight of their year. He always made it so fun. He could have been selfish about his birthday but it was always about everyone else. It was as if he had invited the whole world to his party. He never pouted that his day was “eclipsed” with so much hubbub.
“I don’t suppose Billy has much sense of what day it is in heaven, do you?”
“No I don’t suppose.”
That quiet little exchange before I took off like a bat out of hell headed back North, haunted me the rest of the way home. It’s all a little sad to be alone and sick on such a special day. If I had to pick a costume for today, it would a floppy, straw-stuffed scarecrow…the kind that I could leave little bits of myself in each space I’m trying to fill.
1eyedmonkee 