now what?

Mary Alice’s naked Christmas tree is laying curbside waiting to be recycled.  I finally put lights on mine two days ago.  The Twelve Days of Christmas aren’t over yet.

But here we are into the New Year and I can’t help thinking about all the things I know now that I didn’t know at this time last year.

I didn’t know Best Boy was moving.  I didn’t know there was a Mimi that loved him.

I didn’t know if Book Boy could survive nine months of Shop Girl’s roller coaster hormones.  Nor did I know they would make their whack-a-doo landlord so angry that they’d have to buy a house.  I didn’t know that an hour after his birth, Donny Diva’s wide eyes would look straight into mine and bury themselves in my heart for a long long time.  I didn’t know that a smile from him would make whatever is happening around me seem so insignificant.

I didn’t know that the Dr. would travel in and out and in and out and in and out again from some of the scariest places on the globe and come home safe every time.

I didn’t know that we’d spend enough money at the dentist this year that we could have paid for a kitchen and bath make over.

I didn’t know that the Mrs. would survive as well as she has on her own.  I didn’t know I’d have the strength to clean out Billy’s basement – or the strength to touch so many things that had been precious to him and throw them all away and not die from the guilt.

I didn’t know I’d have a dozen faithful readers.  I didn’t know I’d have enough to say to keep writing.  I didn’t know much.  And I stand here with another twelve calendar pages to turn and wonder what I’ll know soon enough.

We’ll all lose and gain – weight, money, friends and family members.  We’ll all cry – tears of deep sorrow, tears of unexpected joy or the ones when we get caught off guard and stumble on an episode of Extreme Home Makeover and they shamelessly play the emotion card yet again.

And if we’re smart – we’ll all learn something in the process and hopefully apply those nuggets to living more authentic lives.  Being ourselves – who ever we are and dealing with whatever comes custom made for us.