stuck in the middle with you

17 07 2009

sky2

Just to start off with a disclaimer:  this is my blog – my vent.  I share what I share because – maybe just maybe – there is someone out there who feels the same way I do.  Or maybe I’m just delusional.  No news there huh?

I was headed to the Mrs.’ yesterday – to get her bedroom ready for the arrival today of the new full sized mattress and box spring set but I got stuck again.  Caught in the middle.  Things came up here that were unexpected and I needed to be around a little bit longer.  It just means the road trip will begin before dawn instead of mid-morning yesterday as I’d planned – still giving me enough time to move some things out of her room and into what used to be Billy’s room.

I struggle when my weekly travel plans get delayed and it seems like it happens more times than I’m comfortable with.  The guilt sometimes stiffles me.  I feel torn in a million directions at once.  I’m not saying this to accuse anyone but more to just admit it outloud.  Learning how to manage the urgent and the not so urgent is always a balancing act.

Back during any of the 22 moves that the Dr., Best Boy, Shop Girl and I have made- it took me about a year (if we even stayed in the space that long) to adjust to new surroundings to the point where things would feel normal.  This year has been a move of sorts.  I quit my job a little over 12 months ago.   I now split my weeks between two states – two houses – and I’m still finding my footing.

I’m so lucky that I don’t have to manage full-time work.  Surrounded by my supportive husband and two kids – supportive siblings and their spouses – supportive extended family – no one is accusing me of slacking.  The Mrs. is the first one to tell me to tend to my immediate family first.

Meanwhile, I’ve heard it in her voice.  She was laughing about something the other day on the phone and said, “Why did he (Billy) have to leave me?”  She was laughing but there was a sadness there as well.

As we approach the one year mark that he’s been gone- I am still amazed at how well she has done.  She is the widow and I can’t take that away from her as much as I would like to.  There is some purpose in the Plan for this alone time of her life. She’s not ready to leave the space she has called home for over 40 years, nor is there any urgent reason that she should.  For now – I think we are on an even keel.

I imagine that this is the point where kids in their haste to make their lives more manageable start to tighten the screws on elderly parents.  Every situation is unique.  Ours is unique.  We are making decisions together with the best for everyone in mind. I am NOT passing judgment on anyone who has made other decisions.  Would my life be easier if she lived here? I’m not sure.  It might make me more crazy.

All I wanted to say is that this space for families is one where the rubber band gets so stretched – it is hard to see where there can be any give at all.  We are blessed – blessed by this year of memories, progress, purging, tears and laughter.  We’re all doing our part and making this thing work.  Hopefully with some dignity and grace.

Today,  Best Boy will be in Los Angeles, the Dr. headed back from Arizona, Shop Girl will stay in MI and I’ll be in IN with the Mrs.  Just another boring week.

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One response

19 07 2009
Amy

Wendy,

Thanks for sharing your trials & joys & memories. I am always left laughing and deeply moved.

Love, Amy

P.S. Maybe Bella can do a sleep-over next 4th of July???

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