wee small

5 12 2008

img_3806Not to worry.  I’m not spying on my neighbors, it’s just that this vision represents the breaking of dawn.  Like I just got done boasting about a post or so ago, I have been able to enjoy  a new dimension of sleep that I’ve not enjoyed much in the last few years.

When I was time-card-punching for a living, I’d have to be downtown sitting at my desk after parking 5 blocks away, changing into my uniform and finding my way to the “front of the house” (that’s hotel speak for anyone who has direct dealing with the public) before 7 a.m.  There was a season (I refuse to say how long that was…it could have been years, it could have been once!) that I’d be at the YMCA waiting as they unlocked the doors at 5 a.m. to get a work out in, run home to shower and change and still open the Business Center by 7.  What was I thinking???

Needless to say, that’s not my life in a lot of ways anymore.  The YMCA part is being seriously reconsidered – especially in the winter when lack of sunshine puts in peril my very existence.  The least I could do is to get the endorphins flowing.

There are times that the old pattern sneaks back in (or if there is a full moon and I can never sleep anyway) that I’ll be the first one up, tend to the animals (this isn’t unusual around 4 a.m.) make myself a stiff cafe con leche (latte to those of you who only learned “coffee” speak from Starbucks), and go back to bed for how ever many hours I can take.

I did that this morning and now I’m deeply disturbed.  My most vivid dreams happen in that after-a-night’s-sleep-have-coffee-go-back-to-bed space.  For the first time since Billy’s departure – I dreamt that I walked into their kitchen and there he was at the table as fit as a fiddle with a huge smile on his face, loving every minute of the surprise.  I asked him what he was doing and he said he’d come to get her.

Then there was more.  It didn’t include him but it was like flying around with the ghost of Christmas Past to see her go through a disturbing journey to the end.  It’s still too early to call her but Lord knows I will as soon as I’m sure she has her hearing aids in and cranked up.  

So I’m a tad haunted today.  Regardless of the circumstances, it was good to see him.  Time to go make my bed.

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