I don’t even feel like writing and I take that as a sign that I should. There are only 15 minutes left till the 25th is officially history. I wasn’t even tracking on what day it was today until late this evening she drew my attention to it. A month has gone by and today I feel pretty overwhelmed.
She wanted to go to George’s for breakfast – it was strange to be there without Billy. George wasn’t even there so she couldn’t personally give him the little card thingy from the funeral. We left it with the other guy and hope he gives it to him. Maybe it was being there again that silently set the tone of the day.
I thought I’d be responsible and proactive by fixing the outdoor sconce first thing so soon as we got back home, I had it taken it down and taken apart. Ninety percent of the project went off without a hitch. But before long I found myself in the garage and in the basement staring at his work bench looking for specific things I couldn’t fine. Finally, two more trips to the hardware store and four hours of work lead to so much frustration that by early afternoon, I called an electrician’s shop and took the stupid thing in to have them fix it. It wasn’t that I couldn’t figure out how to repair it, it was just a simple logistical matter that got me in the end.
I knew I should get something else accomplished…something significant. But I had been sabotaged early on. Looking for what I “needed” and seeing all the things I need to sort through – I hit a wall. A big wall. One that reminds me that there is plenty of work to be had around here.
It’s not lost on me that I was so energized last week by reading someone else’s blog about organizing their work space. This is my work space. I’ll start with the four boxes method: Goodwill, garbage, keep and the “Oh God what do I do with this now” box. I have to be disciplined and remember that this didn’t get here in a day (more like 41 years!) and it’s not going to be taken care of in a day. There will be days that I will be able to do alot…and there will be days that I don’t do much. I’m really very grateful that she doesn’t have to do this alone.
I found myself in the basement wishing a dumpster would magically appear in the driveway accompanied by six strong men without bad backs – like the kind you can hire outside the Home Depot on Sunset Blvd. in Los Angeles for a song and a dance ‘coz they are just thrilled to find “work”. People I don’t know – but people I can boss – people that won’t engage me in conversation or distract me. But they aren’t here…
Or someone that walks behind me snapping digital pictures that are automatically uploaded to eBay with the perfect descriptions and eager buyers already bidding by the time it is posted. There really is a gold mine here. But do I have the patience, time or energy to recognize it all? If the group from Antique Roadshow would just pull up outside they could tape 10 episodes for sure.
Tomorrow is another day. The day after the day he died a month ago. Supposedly that will make the 25th of next month easier. Maybe I will have made so much progress by then I will feel better. But for now, I’m officially giving myself permission to take this a baby step at a time and say …it’ll get done when I get a round tuit.
1eyedmonkee 