I am numb. I’ve escaped to the anonimity of a hotel. I’m trying to turn my brain off – off load some of this stress. I step into the elevator and the door slides shut…and I start to cry as I see one of the chain’s efforts to decorate the inside of the utilitarian space. 
And this stupid little poster?
Me, sitting alone in the backseat of whatever car we had back in the day. Driving anywhere – going from one window to the next (we didn’t have to wear seatbelts back in the day). And I’d make up songs (early singer/songwriter DNA gene pool).
But Billy taught me one that I’ll never forget Mairzy doats
- Mairzy doats and dozy doats and liddle lamzy divey
- A kiddley divey too, wouldn’t you?
- Mairzy doats and dozy doats and liddle lamzy divey
- A kiddley divey too, wouldn’t you?
I don’t think you’d ever think of him as a singer but he had a good voice and could carry a tune. He enjoyed music and as a cousin reminded me, he had a great appreciation for his stereo equipment. Everything was always mounted in a closet – separate receiver, turntable, etc. We were taught how to clean records, carefully place the needle. We never had much money but whatever was invested in that equipment – was well spent.
And the treat of all treats was getting to wear the headphones. It was like stepping into a dream world. Nothing could touch you there – you were swallowed by sound. Even looking at this photo I can still smell and feel those massive headphones pressing in on my head.
Today I will be accosted by the sounds of people talking, sharing, remembering, consoling. I’m terrified of getting trapped in one of those conversations that yammers on about things that I could care less about today. This is probably one of the hardest parts of this whole process for me – having to engage people when my head needs quiet. I’d like to see the people that come to the wake – receive a warm hug – but have my ears drowning in white noise. Like a huge acrylic hamster ball – me inside- watching, observing, lip reading but silent.
Maybe I’ll feel better after more sleep. I woke up at 2 a.m., I’d fallen asleep at 8 p.m. I’ll finish this up, post, have coffee and go back to sleep till whenever. At 1:30 p.m. I’ll be at the funeral home dropping off some last minute casket props. I love set designing. Can I wear an ipod to the wake? Oh, the soundtrack I’d play…starting with The Cure…after all…It’s Friday, I’m in Love.
1eyedmonkee 